She wears velour

Dressed in grey she says goodnight

Closes her eyes and holds him tight

Listens to him snore away

Thinks about another day

She hears?

A cry to pierce the silent house

Footsteps quiet....a night time mouse?

Across the hall it creeps, until

it stops....then it is still

A voice

WAKEY WAKEY! right in her face

(can't she be some other place?)

A snotty smile before her stands,

Giggles loud then grabs her hands

She sighs

With heavy heart and mansize bags

She heaves her weight, her stomach sags

The scars she bears, the price she pays

For creating life as her hopes fade

She moves

Across the hall, “Now back to bed

You gorgeous *testing* sleepy head,

It's 2am not time to wake”

No waiting for the day to break

She's tired

Tired of sleeping off and on

Of seeing day at half past one

Of greying whites and hairy legs

Of eating slops and drinking dregs.

She's lost

Lost in a haze of night and day

Of never putting things away

In their right place (she found the milk

Underneath the kitchen sink)

It's sour

Sour milk, burnt toast

Looking like she's seen a ghost

And all because she hasn't slept

For five years now, her self unkempt

Caffeine

The only thing to right her day

And wipe the sleepless nights away

(That and smiles of kids at play

their faces wipe your cares away)

She laughs

She smiles inside although she weeps

(cos all she wants is bloody sleep!)

Still - they give her so much joy

This snotty girl and cheeky boy

She's fine

Wine you say? of course she will

It helps her sleep, makes her still

Tomorrow that's another day

Try not to wish this life away....

She dreams

That soon they'll stay in bed til noon

Pray that moment comes real soon!

'Cos then she'll sleep, she'll rest, she'll care,

She'll give a damn what clothes she wears

Not yet

This is now and here she lies

Wide awake with open eyes

But no regrets despite the moans

She loves this place, this time, this home

For now she's mum, no time for more

She wears velour.



'Help me' blocks by Imogen Harvey-Lewis



Staying-in-bed Olympics

There’s no moving me, I won’t be beaten. We’re competing in the ‘staying-in-bed’ Olympics and I’m going for gold.

You thought your luck was in when I reacted first to the cries, didn’t you?

A quick glance at the clock, 5.45am, on a Saturday. You roll over to face the wall as you hear me talking calmly, hushed, my reassuring tones soothing the baby. You’re hoping for one of two things; I get her back to sleep and return to spoon you back into slumber; or I’ll take her downstairs, out of earshot and play with her quietly until the 4 year old whirlwind races in to wake you up.

But I’m on to you. There’s no way this baby is going back to sleep and there’s no way I’m getting up. So let the games begin.

I climb back into bed, baby wrapped tightly in my arms and soothe her “shh” stroking her gently, urging her to close her eyes. Just 30 more minutes, please.  I close my eyes tightly and pray silently.

She wriggles, she kicks, she’s up in a second. Sitting, shouting, pulling my hair, fingers in my eyes. I keep them closed as tight as I can, ignore the fingers poking me, the nails scratching my cheeks. I know that if I persevere she’ll get bored, she’ll move away to the other side of the bed. To Daddy.

A few more minutes and she’s gone. Shouts of “DA, DA, DA” ring through the air and I hear you groan. “You get up” you say. I ignore you, pretend I’m sleeping.  I know you are weak. I know you can’t take the ear-pulling, elbowing and slobber sliding down your cheek. The snot being rubbed into your face.

We both know we’re in competition, we both know we’re playing the same game. We both know I’m going to win.

If I wanted to get up, I’d have jumped out of bed by now and you know it. This is all about staying power, will power, the power to resist, the ability to ignore the grating sound of a child now starting to whinge.

Just a few more seconds and I’m there.

“God, I’ll get up then” I hear you complain as you spring out of bed. I smile silently in my sleep.

Victory is mine (until tomorrow).