It's not like on TV

The problem with getting older is you realise more and more that life just isn’t like what you see on the TV.

Take Rugby. I’ve watched more rugby on the TV than I have seen in real life. I watch the players, I note the moves, I plan my Wednesday session.

I go on the rugby field, I become the player. I AM the player.



After tonight's training



Only I’m not.

The coach describes the drill, I take it in (keen as mustard me), only the disaster that occurs the other end isn’t what I’ve seen on TV or what I’ve planned in my head.

And why can't I stay clean for once?

In local government speak, I’m just not achieving the right 'outcomes'.

The same would happen if I ever went on Strictly Come Dancing.

In head – Ola Jordan.

In reality – Ann Widdecombe.

(and don’t get me started on Masterchef and my high-speed chopping of veg)

I’m going to give up watching TV, it’s making me set unrealistic expectations. As my Uncle Bill (RIP) would have said, “it’ll end in tears”

But I live in Hope.

(and die in Caergwrle)