Thursday, 1 March 2012

Notes on a Ryanair flight

Oh Easyjet you were just too easy.
We got the electron card, we had babies so got on first and we had sunglasses to block out the orange glare.
Travelling with you isn’t a struggle anymore, so we’ve dumped you for RYANAIR.
Oh and it was tough, really tough. But I made some notes (it's only fair) and here are my recommendations for RYANAIR.
·        Air Conditioned Check-in…..
…….Cos when you’re wearing your flip-flops in your boots, cargo pants over your skinny jeans, with your swimwear underneath, a vest, two t-shirts, your hoody and your coat – the last thing you need (and I don’t CARE if it’s February) is a heated check-in area.  Two hundred people sweating like a fat lasses at a dance just to save a few quid.
Ryanair – if you are going to push DOWN the baggage allowance, at least turn UP the air-con.
·        Put the nets BACK on the seat……
……..You know which ones I mean, those things you put your book, purse, water-bottle, glasses, phone and ipod in? Well they’ve GONE!
So where’d you put the stuff in your hand (cos I ain’t getting up and down 10 times when I’m sitting in the window seat)? Under the seat in front of you of course!
(Slight problem there, on take-off I  lost the water bottle (several rows back) and gained some crusty ends of a sandwich and an empty can)    
Ryanair - Bring. The nets. Back.
·        At least sell me a fake Gucci……..
………Call me a traditionalist but I’m used to looking at a catalogue and then waiting for a trolley to politely head my way offering me perfume. What I didn’t expect was a hawker (cunningly disguised as a flight attendant) flashing his wears like he'd walked straight off a costa-del-sol beach.
Ryanair - If you’re gonna sell goods at every opportunity ("you look worried, can I offer you some imitation fags for take-off sir?"), at least show me some fake Ray-ban’s or a knock-off Gucci handbag with a sparkly clasp.

·        Sell your brand ideas to local councils…..
……….cos there’s a lot they could learn from your ability to exploit every opportunity to improve your reputation. I’m talking fanfares here. When you 'land on time' with Ryanair a full-on trumpet fanfare plays, with a message reminding you that Ryanair lands on time more than anyone else – and don’t believe a word you read in the Daily Mail.

Councils – listen and learn. I’m recommending a fanfare every time a cheery bureaucrat answers the phone within 3 rings, DEALS with it, and doesn’t pass it on...and on...and on...and on....
Ryanair - Sell councils that fanfare, make some money and watch Council satisfaction ratings take off...
See you next year Ryanair