Wednesday, 17 August 2011

The Allowed List – Who’s on yours?

I just watched a clip of Jake Gyllenhaal promoting his new film and just as I was thinking ‘I definitely would….’ I remembered a conversation I had with one of my girlfriends. Who, for the sake of this blog, shall remain nameless. (but she has the same name as me…and used to live next door….)

Anyway, she was about to go and see Take That. Trying to hide my jealousy I dismissed it with a curt ‘what, you mean the ROBBIE show?’ – and her response? “Yes! I know! Brilliant! And he’s definitely on my allowed list.”

The allowed list? She’s married with two kids and it’s a very stable relationship. But after ten years or so of looking at the same guy, you have to allow each other the odd fantasy to keep things alive – and this is where the allowed list comes in.

It’s not simply a list of people you’d shag sleep with. It’s a list that’s been approved by your partner, possibly for two reasons. 1) it ain’t ever gonna happen! 2) if the opportunity for a one night stand did arise, they're not really going to blame you for taking it.

And both men and women are allowed to have one.

There are unwritten rules (the men are supposed to just guess these, we don’t share them in advance). FRIENDS are not allowed on the allowed list. No way. Nada. No chance. No one we know, no one he knows, at home, work and certainly not at the school gate. Mention of a friend could seriously affect his chances of staying in this relationship.

CELEBRITIES are preferred. A list in particular. Hopefully already happily married and without a record of infidelity. Preferably living overseas and likely to never walk down your street in a million years.

So she’s got Robbie and her husband approves. I’d definitely have Jake Gyllenhaal (see picture), oh and Noah Wyle (Carter from ER), and Rob Lowe. These have all been approved by my husband (well I tried to discuss it and he just grunted and turned the volume up on the TV – sounds like a yes to me).

But it doesn’t quite work that way for the blokes. You see we choose our allowed list and they get to agree it. But they can’t choose theirs. Oh no. We choose it for them. That’s how it works, that’s the game.

I’ve given my husband Kylie Minogue, I mean if he wants to leave me for her, I would completely understand. I might even be pleased if it meant me and Kylie could finally be BFFs! He did also mention some sporty type whilst watching the athletics, but she’s gone off the list. Too fit. Not famous enough. (I mean, when did he start liking sporty women?)

Then I asked my friend who’s on her husband’s allowed list. I mean, he’s pretty good looking, and you never know it might be me *ahem* someone I know. “Oh, he can have the old woman who serves behind the counter in the co-op” she replies straight faced, with not a hint of irony.

So the allowed list – who’s on yours?